We plan and Allah Plans

I cant believe I am still in Philly after 2 weeks and we are still alive. I think back on the plans “I” made when I returned from Doha and think of how much my life has changed direction since then. Inshaallah each change will be positive and for the beterment of my family.

The first thig I did differently was to visit Philly and New York. I so enjoyed New york. I visited a friend I made online nd had never saw. We just walked around and showed me all he sited. I didnt do much really cause I have to take the kids. They will love this place.

Philly has been good except for my weight. I know i gained so much. I have eatten so many cheesesteaks and water ices. I am about to burst. spending time with my family has been nice. I dont think if I had my kids with me I would have stayed so I am glad I came alone. I just wantto keep them from this Philly Madness…….My relationship with my oldest is going well. I am going to take him to texas. I want to give him a chance at life. No matter what he THINKS philly will not open the doors he needs to open. He will end up like everyone else…………IN JAIL or dead. So I am goign to takw this HUGE step of faith and allow him to move with us and see if he can handle it and heck if we all can. This will be a huge adjustment on all of us. My little kids dont really know him. not like a brother. he is more like ……..what a long lost relative……

I want him to get a job at a store or something for some pocket change, take some community college classes, get to know all of us and learn how to be loved and to love his family. We have so many wounds to heal but this is something that needs to be done.

Im going to school. I really started thinking about my career. I DO NOT want to teach children anytime soon. I thought about when I was in college and how I really enjoyed learning. I thought about my job in UAE teachingadults, and I want to do that. I am goign to do my Masters and learn how to teach adults. I will try to become an assistant to a professor and worm my way into getting a good mentor and inshaallah a job at a community college or University. I really feel good about this. I think this will mke me hapy. I also love that I will be in school the same time as 2 of my kids.

My love life………I am so inlove with me. I am really getting to know me. I look back on my short relationship and see that while I had a nice time and loved his family. I dont think I couldhave loved him , Allahu alim but this is what I think. we didnt have a realy conection. While I dontneed to be under a love spell but I do need to feel something…….and if you spend a romantic cruise with a man and yu feel nothing……….hummm maybe there is nothing there. So I am still wanting to get married and I still want and need love; right now I just want to love me, my kids and my school work……..

I went on an interview a few weeks ago. I got a job offer that day but I turned it down. It didnt fit into my plan. I didnt know that then but it just didnt feel right to me. I just didnt want it and who turnes down a job these days……..oh well, I am going to try to maybe work at sylvans and do some part tie work until I startmy classes and then I will see what happens.

Inshaallah I will be posting more. I have my old computer up and running at home now. I have ALOT to talk about.

~ by livinglifeandlovinit on April 2, 2009.