Weightlessness

ASA

 

Long time no see!!!!! Well I have been very busy. I moved, I have a lovely new place and I just love it. I started classes, So far so good. I have an A so far, Inshaallah I will be able to keep it until the class is over in two weeks.

My daughter stated classes this summer. She still my baby even though she is in college. The kids are in Islamic school for the summer. They go tfrom 9-230 so it is all day alhumduillah. My oldest son is with  my mom. While I am so greatful for my time I had with him he just could no tblend it with the other kids. He felt out of place and so did they. So he is close to me now so we can maybe try to blend ourlives together slowly instead of all at once.

I have been thinking of closing my blog since I am so busy lately. These kids are workign me over time and I’m working on 2 master degrees. I am wore out. However I really need this outlet. So I will keep it up but maybe change topics.

I feel great, My life is so full and I am doing things I love. I am with my kids alot more. Even though it seems like less time I really feel like I am with them alot more than I was overseas. I am single nd lovin it. Yeah I fell lonely at time but for the most part I am NOT wanting to find a man. I love being able to come and go a I please. I like being in charge of my life and not have to think of another person’s feelings or thoughts. I dont want to share right now. YUP thats being selfish but OH well.

I am drama free. I have no one or nothing crazy going on in my life or the life of people around me. I dropped some friends and stopped reading blogs that are filled with drama or glorify a lifestyle that is full of drama or against things I fully hold true.

One person I dropped is Yusra, I have heard another person did the same thing and believe me there is a good reason. Everything that glitter is NOT gold and many times people give off one side of a personality to cover up another one. I would love it if you do not comment on my blog or read it again. I am not backbiting you I am saying it for you and the world to see. STAY AWAY! I feel you are toxic and you love to pull people down with you. I think you have alot of issues and I am glad to not have to hear about them anymore.

Because of being able to let things and people go I feel like I am a state of weightlessness. I feel light and free. I feel able to do things I didnt feel liek I could do before. Inshaallah whatever plan Allah, swt, has in store for me I am willing and able to take it on heard first. I know whaever it is It will be good for me even if I dont enjoy it at the time.

See you soon

sorry

I have been so busy lately I have not really had it in me to post. I have also just not been myself. I am moving forward but at times it seems as though I am going backwards. I am in a home that is not my own and I think this more than anything has me feeling off. Inshaallah we will be moving in 3 weeks so give me some time and I will post. I have many things on my mind….

Graduation day

My daughter graduated from High School Tuesday!!! She did it one year early!!! I am very proud of her.

graduation day

She is about to start HER life. Until now she has been told what to do and pretty much was limited in what she could do. Now with my help she will start to make choices for herself. She will choose the path she will go.  Her first big decision has been college. She decided to start this summer. After years of saying she wnted to be a book editor…my baby did a complete turn around and said she is going to be a VET. Mashaallah I know she can do it. She has always been a straight A student. She has really developed a love of animals and I think she will be a kind and loving vet.

So to my future Doctor. I love you and I am soooooooooooo very proud of you!!!!!!

We plan and Allah Plans

I cant believe I am still in Philly after 2 weeks and we are still alive. I think back on the plans “I” made when I returned from Doha and think of how much my life has changed direction since then. Inshaallah each change will be positive and for the beterment of my family.

The first thig I did differently was to visit Philly and New York. I so enjoyed New york. I visited a friend I made online nd had never saw. We just walked around and showed me all he sited. I didnt do much really cause I have to take the kids. They will love this place.

Philly has been good except for my weight. I know i gained so much. I have eatten so many cheesesteaks and water ices. I am about to burst. spending time with my family has been nice. I dont think if I had my kids with me I would have stayed so I am glad I came alone. I just wantto keep them from this Philly Madness…….My relationship with my oldest is going well. I am going to take him to texas. I want to give him a chance at life. No matter what he THINKS philly will not open the doors he needs to open. He will end up like everyone else…………IN JAIL or dead. So I am goign to takw this HUGE step of faith and allow him to move with us and see if he can handle it and heck if we all can. This will be a huge adjustment on all of us. My little kids dont really know him. not like a brother. he is more like ……..what a long lost relative……

I want him to get a job at a store or something for some pocket change, take some community college classes, get to know all of us and learn how to be loved and to love his family. We have so many wounds to heal but this is something that needs to be done.

Im going to school. I really started thinking about my career. I DO NOT want to teach children anytime soon. I thought about when I was in college and how I really enjoyed learning. I thought about my job in UAE teachingadults, and I want to do that. I am goign to do my Masters and learn how to teach adults. I will try to become an assistant to a professor and worm my way into getting a good mentor and inshaallah a job at a community college or University. I really feel good about this. I think this will mke me hapy. I also love that I will be in school the same time as 2 of my kids.

My love life………I am so inlove with me. I am really getting to know me. I look back on my short relationship and see that while I had a nice time and loved his family. I dont think I couldhave loved him , Allahu alim but this is what I think. we didnt have a realy conection. While I dontneed to be under a love spell but I do need to feel something…….and if you spend a romantic cruise with a man and yu feel nothing……….hummm maybe there is nothing there. So I am still wanting to get married and I still want and need love; right now I just want to love me, my kids and my school work……..

I went on an interview a few weeks ago. I got a job offer that day but I turned it down. It didnt fit into my plan. I didnt know that then but it just didnt feel right to me. I just didnt want it and who turnes down a job these days……..oh well, I am going to try to maybe work at sylvans and do some part tie work until I startmy classes and then I will see what happens.

Inshaallah I will be posting more. I have my old computer up and running at home now. I have ALOT to talk about.

As salaamualakium

I am in Philly visiting my family. I cant believe how much I am lovin Philly.  This place, the place I have avoided for over 20 years is the place that i sgiving me peace.

something as small aa giving and returning salam’s has given me joy. You would think that living over seas in an Arab, Muslim country I would get and recieve salaams all day every day …….NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so shocked when I first moved and when out for the first time and greeted people with my smiling face and not only have people not return the greeting but look at my like I siad praise Jesus or something. I quickly found ou tthat hello, good morning in english or Arabic was more what people were into.

since being here in Philly I have not been outside once without people sometimes yelling accross the street to give salaams.  “As salaamu alakium. Such a small thing never meant so much. I love this feeling I have living back in the states. I feel Islam much more than I did before. It is just the little things that I have missed that have given me happiness.  salaams, going to a mosque with no talking women or silly acting children, seeing smiles on peoples faces, talking to people in the grocery store………all these things i missed and some I didnt know I did.  I am greatful for each and every small blessing

Now on to the big one………..MY SON

I am so in love with this boy. NOPe not my little one. My son that was a boy when I left and my son that is now a man. This tall, handome, piece of chocolate is the sweetest thing…I know it wont last but for now he and I are really enjoying each other. I know he is mad at me for leaving him and not being there for him the way he wanted me to. BUT right now he is happy I am here and he loves me and when he hugged me my heart opened up and felt so much love I just cant leave him again.

I dont know how things will go but right now I am just so happy he didnt greet me with anger and hate. I am glad to see this man….I am happy to feel his joy. Nothing can make me happier than I am right now.

Allah truly is the best of planners……..If things would have worked out with Mr. Life the way they were planned I would never be here and would have not have this time with my son.

another blessing I am greatful for. I am awaiting more…………….

Thank you

I just want to thank you all again. I am ok. I am looking for  a job and keeping busy. I have had a few private Emails and I think you all for those as well. I had a few that I think are more depressed than I am.

I honestly want to tell you all, YES, I loved this man but there was no time to be IN LOVE. There was no passion like with my yummy chocolate man. There was no history like with my husband. Yes, He was a good man, kind, and very smart. He inshaallah may have made a good husband but this is somethign I will never know.

My hurt is so different than anything I thought. I am really ok. I mean I am not in the bed crying and feeling like my life is over like I did with my husband. This man in my head was not a husband yet. We sighned a paper. but there was no weddign or walima and we did not consumate anything. This was our time to date Halal. We wanted to get to know each other before we did something  that could haev been horrible for all involved.

From the first day he came to get me I think we spent a few hours alone. We didnt get to connect or bond. We had his family on the cruise and we spent 99% of the time with them. So I never had any alone to to talk to him get to know him bond with him or feel any romantic feelings or otherwise.

I just miss the man I had gotten to know. He was nice to me and my family. I had a wonderful time with him and inshaallah I will go on with my life and be happy. I had 12 days with him. No tmuch history and love you can build in that short of time. So please yall dont be so depressed or sad for me. Yall make me sad cause YOu all are. Yes, I am hurt but like everything else I will get over it. I have been through worse.

Thanks for the prayers and Dua. I love you all for the sake of Allah and for myself

grieving

there was a car crash………………..I am again left with the question WHY???????????

I am upset and hurt. I am greatful for the kindness I was shown in such a short time.  Inshaallah I will post again soon. Right now I am hurt. Not like with Ken. I had no history with this man. HECK, I never even got to make love to him. BUT I did share a wonderul 10 days  with him and for that I am greatful.

give me a few more days

I am sorry I have not posted. I have tons of photos to post but I am still on this ship and the internet fees are crazy. I AM HAVIGN A GREAT TIME AND REALLY ENJOYING MY NEW FAMILY. tHEY ARE SUCH NICE PEOPLE.

One of the places we stoped was the country I will be living. I saw my new house and met my mother in law. She is nice as well. Inshaallah I will like it there.

The cruise is wonderful. I was sick the first day but after that I have been ok. Just not used to seeign all these 1/2 naked people. I swear I never seen so many OLD people letting it all hang out………NOT a PRETTY SITE!!!!

We get in on Sunday I will try to post by Tuesday………….

Freedom part 3…..the great escape

My intention was to leave Doha this summer. However things changed for me.  In my dua I always said if leaving here was the best thing for me and my family to make it clear to me by making me hate this place. WELL let me tell you I have never wanted to leave a place as much as I did Doha.

I was going to take my kids on a short weekend trip. In Doha you need an exit permit to leave the country. Some jobs offer a multi permit. This will allow the person to come and go as they please. My job did not offer this. So each time we wanted to go anyplace we had to fill in a form and ask for permission to go. I didnt know this before I left UAE but whatever I was there and didnt think much of it until I wanted to go and was not allowed to.

My principal didnt sign my paper. He told me he felt I was going to leave and not return. I was like WTH?? This ticked me off to no end. At that moment. I didnt want to work there anymore. I had no intrerest in working there. I felt like a prisioner. I was already not feeling my job. When I was hired I was hired to do one thing but after my break I got changed to another position. I didnt like it at all. Working with all nonMuslims and Muslim that try their best to NOT act, look or be Muslim , in a Muslim country is hard for me . It is hard in that many of the people are there only for a pay check. They dont have a true intresest in finding out about the area or the people. They dont even like Arabs at all and they constantly talk about how dumb the student are, how backwards the arabs are or how their traditions are just plain dumb. They think Islam is strange and they chose not to understand it. For me it is hard to see people not even try to do their job becuase they feel it is a waste of time. It was hard for me to  work with people that really had no intrest in teaching. They had teacher hit students with staplers. I had teacher call students a complete waste of  space. They called them dumb, told them they were stupid and worse. I managed to deal with is. Although not well becuase i was very upset dailyand it was stressin me out .HOWever it got really hard to work for a man that THOUGHT he could control me and my family.

Once he denied my exit permit. I was on a mission to leave. I spoke with Mr. Life about the situation and he and I came up with a solution for our problems. We are going to do a contract so we can spend time together. I am going to go to his country and check it and him out. Then we will have a wedding this summer inshaallah. This way we both feel like we are not rushing into anything. Although we will be married we wont be married. We will do the official thing in the summer this is when all the real marriage things will take place………

For now we will get to enjoy each others company. I will get to know him better and his family and he will get to do the same. We have both been married before and this is something that is good for both of us. Becuase there is no dating in Islam it is hard for adults to really get to know each other. I think this will solve this problem for both of us.

Anyway, back to the excape. Once I knew I was going to leave I just had to plan when. I tried to talk to the principal and told him I wanted to quit. He told me NO. I was a good teacher and he didnt want to have to hire a new person to replace me. In my contract I can quit as long as I give 30 days notice. This man was like nope not going to happen…….I was like YOU MESSIN with the WRONG Chick….

He thought I was going to just accept his crap. He told me I was not going anyplace. I waould not be able to leave during spring break, any weekend, or even the summer. HE said the only way I could leave the country is if I gave him my kids passports. that way I would have to come back to work. I was like yeah ok…….wait and see. So, I called my EX and told him. I went to the US embassy, applied for new passports I told them they were lost. Yeah I lied but They were about to expire anyway. He came and got my kids took them out the country, kids do not need exit permits only the person that has the job. HE Mailed me back their old passports. I gave them to my job they gave me an exit permit………..AND I WAS GONE……….. Me and the kids are back in the states. NOw he is feeling the way I did when all I wanted to do was take a trip………..screwed!!!!!!!!!!

I didnt go to the Gulf to become a prisioner. I didnt go there to be anyones slave or personal property. These people need to stop all this crazy crap thinking they own people because they give them a job.

 

So yall think know my dua was answered…….There was no way I wanted to stay there after that……..I was like……..I am ready to leave here with out wondering if I did the right thing or not. sooooooooooo, I am posting my last part after the 22……see u all then

Freedom part 2

Well as some of you know I am back in the States. I know some of you are shocked ……to tell you the truth so am I. six months ago I would have wanted to smack someone  if they told me I would walk away from my life in the Gulf. Although I was unhappy in Doah, it was my home.  My true intention was to stay there for a few years ONLY because of my children. My two younger kids where doing things many people can only dream of. But we plan and Allah plans and I honestly believe this is from Allah.

I will have my tests I feel them already. Just not being among the majority in my dress makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess I just took it for granted and never thought about the freedom I had until it is taken away. In the Gulf I was free to dress as I wanted without feeling like an outsider. Here I am back to feeling like the woman people want to run away from.  Alhumduillah it is not that bad and I am ok with it because I am doing it because i feel I have to in order to obey Allah period. So the looks are ok.

The freedom to buy food. MAN, I truely forgot about having to read everything and having to go to the halal market for meat. what a horrible inconvience.  It is crazy. I love going into Wal-Mart and seeing all the things I grew up loving and the things I really missed. I complained many times about not having the choices I used to have………Funny thing is I guess I was remembering wrong becuase Even though the stores are HUGE I cant buy most of the things there. So I guess that freedom is all about how you look at it.

The freedom to pray almost anywhere. The thing that got me in the Gulf is how there are places to pray all over. Every mall has a womens section to go pray. All the supermarkets have a room to go pray. I dont think I have ever been out and not been able to pray if I chose to UNLESS I was driving and wanted to stop in a Mosque. The strangest thing is most of the Mosques do not have womens sections. Now in UAE I really didnt have a problem but in Qatar and Egypt I did. At home all Mosques have a womens area, it may not be what you want it to be but at least it is there. So I guess there is another freedom that will have alot to do with perception. Yes, I can pray at a Mosque here but thats about it……….

So yes, I have given up alot of freedoms to come back here for this short time. I gave up being able to blend into the crowd. I gave up all my halal food, I gave up hearing the Athan. Inshaallah I will get them back and more very soon.

Freedom part 1

Letting go is a hard thing to do sometimes. I have been thinking about a post a made a few moths ago. It was about forgiveness. I think when we forgive we have to let go also. This is something I have not been able to do. I have been holding on to feelings and people I needed to let go of a long time ago.

 

I have had a hard time allowing myself to let go and move forward. I have allowed myself to stay locked into an emotional rollercoaster and because of that I was blocking any chances I had for growth.

 

Although I was not in a physical relationship with my Ex I still had a huge emotional one. I had allowed myself to THINK we could be friends and just text each other and maybe talk every once in a while. The thing with that is you never detach. You will always expect those texts. You will always want the text and you will always need that person in your life.

This is what happened to me. I still felt like I needed him. While I didn’t get anything but a text and a phone call every now and then, I still felt attached to him. I needed to talk to him and this drove me crazy. I could not understand why I felt this way. I still don’t really but I do know I don’t feel that way anymore. I don’t  feel it because I let go.

 

I sat one day and really thought about what I am getting from these phone calls. I asked myself do I want to be married to him. Am I happier because of the calls, Do I love this man. While I love him I am not IN LOVE with him and so I would say the answer to all questions is a HUGE NO. I made myself let go that day.

I picked up the phone and called him. We talked and I asked him a few questions about his life. His answers made me laugh. I was thinking to myself “THANK GOD IM NOT MARRIED TO THIS MESS.” I laughed so hard he thought I was trippin. He wanted to know what was so funny. I told him nothing was funny. I was just happy. I laughed because I knew at that moment I had broken all emotional ties with him and for the first time I felt free.

I was free to live. I was free to be me. I was free to move on with my life. I didn’t know back then but I was trapped. Trapped by my own mind; I think in the back of my head I thought if all else fails I always have him to run back to. HOW SAD is that? I was never really free of him thinking this way. He was my safety net. Alhumduillah I chose to walk the line without a net.

 

I walked and I made it to the other side. I may have stumbled but I never fell. And once I got to the other side I was lucky to find myself and find a man to love me. This is why new guy, last year, didn’t work out. I was not free. I was still holding on to the crap. I was still stuck in an emotional rut and was never free to accept or give what is needed to have a healthy relationship. I was never free to move on.

 

Freedom feels good. Freedom feels great. I am feeling loved and wanted like never before in my life. I am feeling adored and cared for in ways I didn’t even know possible. I could never see these things before because I was caged by my own madness and my own emotional turmoil. It’s strange how sometimes we are our own worst enemy.

When sin is better than doing right

I have noticed lately that Muslims seem to have no problem encouraging other Muslims to sin.  I am just amazed at that.  How can we tell people it is ok to do somethign that is CLEARLY haraam.

I know we all fall short nd mess up from time to time. I have done my share of sin in my life. But NEVER would I tell a person to do what I did or say well it is haraam but I am glad you are happy with what your doing.???? WTHellmens mayo!  I just dont get it.

One of my favorite surah is al asr

By Al-’Asr

Verily! Man is in loss

Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma’ruf)which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar)which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience

I think I say this sura Everyday when I pray. I like it because it reminds me Muslims are not perfect BUT it is our job to remind each other to stay away from what Allah forbids and to be the best Muslims we can be.

So why is it that we are so eagar to allow our brothers and sisters to sin. Why is it we dont try to stop them or at least REMIND them that they are doing wrong.

It does not matter what WE think. It is what Allah says PERIOD!!  I am so sick of hearing peopel say  ” I dont think it is haraam, or I feel Allah does this or that” WHO  CARES WHAT YOU THINK.  your feelings really dont count when it is what you think and what ALlAH says. Yes, that is hard to digest at time but it is the truth. Yes, we will all make mistakes and many of us, including me,  will do the same mistake over and over again. However we should not have a PEP squad cheering us on to do wrong.

I love someone to death. I consider them one of my best friends and they are doing something that is just wrong Islamicly. Yes, I love them and I will still be friends with them BUT no way will I support what they are doing. However, for some reason there are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many people that are just cheering them on and supporting their choice.

 

WHY???? WTFUDRUCKERS is going on with this Ummah??????

My new friend did something recently that just shocked me.  She didnt have any remorse fo rit and felt like she didnt have to make Toba, ask Allah to forgive her,  for it. She even looked to get support and agreement from me. I coudl nto do that. I WHOLE hearltedly disagree with her actions and I see her digging herself deeper and deeper into a whole and my hope is that she does not dig herself so far she cant get out.

BUT she does have another Muslim friend that is cheering her on and IMO is cheering her right into a path that leads to hell. Why would a friend do that to another friend. No, we may not like hearing things that hurt our feeling and we may want to do what we want but isnt it better to have someone love you and show you with truth and honesty.

This is not about judging peopel or being anyone judge. It is about accepting people for who they are BUT also being a good enough friend to tell them when they are doign something wrong or  just say NOTHING  thats better than  cheering  them on.

oh, just so you know….Please dont think I am talking about things that can go either way. I am not talking about grey area I am talking about things that are CLEARLY haraam. Things that are in Quran and or hadiths.

Happiness

EXCITING THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!!!!

Cant tell you now but I can tell you this

 

I am so happy I could pop. For the first time in a long time I have peace. My mind is not flying all over the place. It is not worrying about things and that have me sleepless at night.  My soul is being fed. It is happy. My heart, well lets just say it is warming up.  

 

Oh today is my baby’s birthday.  She is a big kid now, 10 years old.  I cant believe she is as old as she is.  Man these years flew. 

She wants to go out this weekend and get this……..she wants to go to a salon and get her hair, nails and feet done. ………She is such a diva, I just love it.

cold feet

Would you marry a person that has been married a few times? when I hear that question my quick answer is NO. Then I think about it and realise I am a person in that group. I have been married more than once. Am I a bad risk? Some people may think so.

With all that is going on now with my ex look alike I have been thinking alot about my life and a few situations. I think about our talks and how he is so willing to accept me for who I am. He is accepting of all my baggage and is willing to help me get rid of the crap that is weighing it down. My life has been an open book to him and his too me. I have told him the good the bad and the ugly and I have found out about many things in his past. Alhumduillah nothing was too bad on either side . Except the fact that we both have been married a few times. Each marriage ended for good reason……..but that does not change the fact that we have both been down this road and we both do not want to do it again.

How does a Muslim woman get to really know a man she wants to marry. You never really know a person until you live with them. People that have dated for years break up soon after they marry many times.  So it is not the amount of years you know a person but the quality of time you spend with the person.

How do I get that with a person 8000 miles away? Yes, we talk for hours. we have asked every question known to man………things from favorite color to how well do u budget your money…..from  our past to our plans for the future……we have covered it all.  BUt that is not enough; we need to spend time with each other. I need to see him interact with my kids. I need to check out his body language. I need to check out his family MYSELF, yeah a wali can do his thing but I am a grown woman that needs and want to check things out for myself. I want to talk to them see them, and he wants me to do that also.

The thing is how. There is a slippery slope. I dont want to ride again. I already had my hooplah and dont need another one. so I want to play it cool. I want to do the right thing. He and I also want me to visit his country and check it out.  I can get a family member to go with me no problem but My fear is what about the time spent with him

while I do want to get to know him and form a bond with him I am not ready to throw caution to the wind.  I can tell he is a good man. That is really easy to see. But I am nervous about many things. Like I mentioned IF we are to get together I will have to move there. That means I will give up my life. Not that my life is all that ……..but it is mine. Everything I have I paid for , I earned, I worked hard for. I answer to no one……BUt Allah, I am scared to give that up for a maybe………I am scared to put my life in someones hands.  If I move there I will be 100% depandant on him……This is so strange becuase this is what I wanted from another person and he never gave it to me BUT I am scared to take it when a person is offereing it to me.

I dont want the responsibility of working and paying bills anymore. I dont want to have to do EVERYTHING and make all the decisions. I dont want to be alone and live alone. BUT I am scared to death the take the steps needed to get those things. This man has told me almost word for word the things I think in my head when I think about the situation I want for myself.  BUt hearing it scares me………WHY?    I know in my heart he has no bad intentions for me.  He is a good person  however not all good men are ” Mr. RIGHT”. He can be all that and some but not float my boat……..he may be the best dad walking but not be a good husband FOR ME.  His character may be flawless but he may be a dud spud and I want a greata  potata …..and if I give up my life to join his and it does not work out……….Where does that leave me?

I am not a young girl anymore. I do not have time to start my life over and over again. I need and crave stability and my kids need it. He is offering it to me. A husband, a father figure, A home, comfort, and a relationship based on sharing and respect……a real partnership……..So whats up with me………..its not like we are talking about getting married tomorrow or anytime soon……..but I have cold feet already……….Oh I prayed istakrah so please dont tell me to do that….Thats is what is scaring me…….I prayed and every morning when I pray tahajjad I say if this man is NOT for me make it very clear take him away  make things hard……but if he is for me please make my life here hard and make me desire another life and not the one I have now.

If I told u all some of the things going on here you all would be be asking me why I am still here. Honestly I dont know. I cant say it is for the Muslims or Islam. I cant even say it is for the job becuase I know I can get another one. BUT I can tell you I was so close to quiting and walking away from this country. BUT I didnt…….but after it happened I was like is this my sign?? I am not going to say yes.  I need more convincing……BUT I will say it is making me really THINK

Something in the water

I have had at least 4 Muslim women I know tell me they are talking to, or dating, or whatever men that are not Muslim. This is not going to be a post downing then becuase the  fact of the matter is I can understand why they might do it. Inshaallah I would never do that. BUT still the fact remainds there are sisters that feel like they have no other options or that the options they do have are worse than the sin involved in being with a non-Muslim.

I could not do that becuase I would be scared of the sin. I mean every time the man looked at me, talked to me, kissed me hugged me, or anything it would be a sin.  All those sins would add up to too many for me to be comfortable with.  Marriage in Islam is 1/2 our deen. I would not want to mess up that much on purpose.

The sad thing is I am sure these women feel like they have been forced into this situation. They feel like most of the Muslim men are NO GOOD. Just take a few hours out of your day and read some of the blogs and you will see why. They are filled with men that have lied, tricked, decieved, and hurt the very women they claim to love.

They are full of men that will have no probelm living off the sweat of a woman and taking from her children.  All the while taking all his right but giving none in return. They have no problem taking on more wives when they can handle or afford another. They are selfish and seem to only think of themselves. They have no concern about the feeling or welfare of their wife(ves).

I am not saying all Muslim men are like this. NOT at all. If I did I would go in a corner and just lie down becuase that means there would be no chance of me ever finding a good man.  I have also seen good Muslim men. NOT many but I have seen them and when I have they have been special men. Like my mothers husband. He is just a wonderful man. He is so kind, patient, loving and thoughtful I wish I could bottle him and sell him.

So there is hope. I think as mothers it is our job to train our boys to grow up into men that WE want them to be. Not leave it up to the men. I am not saying leave the men out but I am saying   WE as women know what a good man is. We know what we would haev WANTED to marry. We know what we dont like, what we dont want………..why not start out teaching our sons to have the characters we would desire……….maybe then the next generation of young Muslim women will not have to do such drastic things as marry or date NON MUslims……….Just a thought

Lightning CAN strike twice

There is an old saying lightning cant strike twice in the same place, well I think it can and it did.

I have been talking to a guy off and on for a few months now. We really get along well. He is smart and well educated, he loves to travel, has lived in many places, has w beautiful family, he is the baby of 10.  He has his own thriving business, his own beach front home, just a well rounded person; BUT I just brushed him off because of his location.  I even told my mom this guy is great too bad he lives XXXX.

So this past week we talked alot and we really clicked. I mean talking for hours at a time really getting to know how each other ticks. And again I said too bad u live where you live becuase we seem to be a good match.  his mannerisum remined me of someone but I really didnt place it. So he decides to send me a photo and OMG

this man looks EXACTLY like my husband that died.

My heart fell when I saw the photo. I sent it to my mother and didnt send a message with it. She said I didnt know Ken was ever that big. When I told her who it was……..She freaked out.

I mean he looks  so much like him  it is freaky. He is exactly what I would have made my husband look like if I could have. He is just taller and heavier. But the eyes, shape of the face, nose , lips, head and ears are the same.  They have to be related in some way.

Anway, he is going to go visit my mother and family very soon and then come here in the spring to meet me and the kids. I think that is so sweet. He wants me family to know him and allow them to feel safe knowing he is here visiting me.

Inshaallah things will go well with their meeting. I am happy I liked him before I saw the photo because if Ididnt I really would always wonder if I like him because of his looks or what. I would always second guess everything, so this time the internet was a good thing. If I had met this man in person first. I would not even give him a chance becuase I would never feel comfortable. can you imagine I walk into a store and my husband is there?? TOO freaky so I am happy I got to see a bit of his personality before I saw his photo.

well just letting you all know whats up…….will fill youin on the visit after it happens.

IT’A ALL ABOUT YOUR POINT OF VIEW

I was having dinner with a family the other day and we got on the topic of money.  The wife was talking about her husband taking a wife. He is NOT so this is NOT going to be a post about. The point she ws making was if he did so what.

Ok so let me explain. I was asking her wouldnt she miss his income if he got married. she said no ; his money is his money. She has not right to it. I looked at her like she was crazy. I was like why isnt his money YOUR money too.

She was like NO. She said her money is hers but his is his.  She said HE has to provide for her and the family period. He has no choice in that. She said whe he gets paid he pays all the bills and give her x amount of money for herself and x amount for the families needs. She said the rest of it is not her concern. Oh yeah and she said he put x amount in the bank that is for their savings. This money is for them in case of emergencies and what ever. She said they have never touched it and it is a nice amount.

anyway, back to the story….. so she said untill he puts x monies into her hands it is HIS money and she is not conderned with it.

Me and my yeah right thinkin self really had a hard time chuggin down that pill. UNTIL i thought about it some more.

I had to rethink my view. I have my feelings beause I do not trust men enought to just give them 100% contol and to live like she does it giving that man 100% contol. she has to believe and trust he paid the bills, he will give her money….he will put money into the savings..I would be like what if he doesnt.

I guess this is what it is like to really trust in Allah. I have to accept that this is how it SHOULD be. Men are the providers and maintainers of women. It is his job to do the things he is doing. I guess I am so used to seeing no good men that when I hear about one that is really doing his job it shocks me. The really sad thing is I want to place my taninted views on someone when they are living right.

I was ready to get all Liberal woman on her and say girl you need to know where all his money is. Its your money too. When really She is right. It is HIS money. As long as he is taking care of his business what is it to me. Or really her either. She is not complaining. why should I?

so anyway she said if he where to take another wife she would not miss the money becuase it is not money she ever had. She said he makes enough to support 2 families easily. She said he would not take her and place her in another smaller home just to fulfill his desires. Family is important to him and so is she. She said IF he chose to marry again he would use his extra money..not the savings casue that is not extra but whatever he has left over.  She said other than him being gone every other day nothing would change.  She said one of the reason he didnt take another wife is living here is the Gulf is so unstable it would be unfair to do it until they are more settled. Once they finish their home they are building ( in his home country) then she is sure he will get another family. That way if they ever needed to go home they would have a place to go home to. She said he will only marry a woman that is divorced or widowed with kids. He does nto want or need a young girl when there are so many women and children that need help.

ok the man seems like a nice brother but am I crazy or is this sister just too trusting or what.?

can you really live like that and be completly depandant on one person? can you really be happy like that?

also to think her life woudl not really change to me is way off

I think maybe her lifestyle would not change but how is it her marriage would not change at all. I just dont see that. Maybe it is me. But i think she would be missing more than his time. Maybe its me but thats how I see it.

but i guess it all depends on the view…………..

Reflections

The last day of this year and I am thinking of all the peopel that didnt make it. Well not all of them but the peopel I will miss.

 

Harvey Korman

Yall may think WThellmans mayo but I really loved him on the Carol Bernette Show. I thought he was so funny. Even now when I see the reruns he just cracks me up.  I love peopel that can make me laugh and he really did.

 

                                                              

 

I LOVED Meet the Press. YOu notice I said LOVED. I have not looked at it since he died. This man LOVE politics.  I could feel it through the TV screen. He made me think and his excitement made me excited. I enjoyed every Sunday becuase of him. I miss him and I miss the Show. This election was not the same for me without him. he made waiting for the results fun.

 

                                                          

Randy Paushe

YOu may be thinking WHO??? well this man was amazing. I saw him for the first time on I think 20/20 and he was one of those people you see and never forget. He has a lecture on the net called “The last lecture” I saw it and downloaded it on my Ipod. He also has something on time Management.

His way of thinking  to me was unique. Maybe not one of a kind but rare. He also designed a web application for childrena nd let me tell you if you have kids that like to play on the net this will and can keep them busy. They can make thier own computer program and be as creative as they want.

I cant put into words why I will miss him you have to google hima nd find out for yourself. Once you do I am sure you will think wow we lost a good person.

 

Eartha Kitt

This woman was walking SEX. I mean she just breathed Sexiness without trying hard.   Even in her old age she still had it going on.

 

Lats but for sure not least

 

                                                                           MY MAN

Bernie MAC

I LOVE this man. Words can not

express how I felt when I heard

he died.

This mans personality filled a

room. He comedy was unique.

I remember him back in the day

before he became famous. When

he was just a loud crazy man on

def comedy jam. with his loud

clothes on and his loud mouth

and loud comdey that made me

laugh.

 This is how I remember Brenie

You are gone but not forgotten.

why are we here

I need to get back to work. I have too much time on my hands.

I was thinking about the talk goign on over at Ummadams blog. people asked why God created us.

So last night I thought about it and came up with this.

 

                                      Why God created

 

I think each person has this thought in his/her life. We have it for many reasons. We may look at the world and wonder why if god loved us would he create us to suffer, or why would he make the world so horrible. Or sometimes we take it to a singular level. Why am I here. What purpose do I have in life. I know for me I think this a lot.

I think WTH was god thinking when he made me. He gave me wonderful children and took away my help; leaving me to do this all alone; ME a person so messed up in the head. He knew this would happen to be before I was born, But did it anyway. Knowing how scary I am and how I do not cope well under pressure. Then I get a grip and say ok done deal I am here so WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO.

                   Why am I here god WHY AM I here Allah.

For me I know it is to remember him. Anytime and every time I do things my way, I screw things up. But when I do things right. With prayer and with the knowledge that no matter the out come Allah is in control. When I know that everything I am and have I have because I relied on Allah to receive it. It is a good thing.

             The reason God created us is to serve him. Period

 

Each messenger from Adam on down came with the same message. They told people over and over again that if they do not worship Allah they would be among the lost. Adam started this process after he sinned, he learned and taught his off spring to serve and worship Allah. Allah Made this point clear in the Quran,

“And I [God] did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me” (Quran 51:56)

 

Then we have to think worship him how. The one thing about Islam that I like is that we get good deeds for most things we do because everything we do is can be an act of worship.

Now before you jump down my throat I am not saying any ole thing is worship. There has to be conditions, the act must be done sincerely for the pleasure of Allah and not for the recognition and praise of people.

That means. If I wear Hijab it is a form of worship IF I do it because I know Allah commanded me to do it and I wear it to be in complete submission to his will. NOT because I think I look cute in it. And before you say no one would wear such a get up because they think it is cute. I will tell you I have heard women say. I do not wear an abayah because I feel I have to. I wear it because It covers my flaws, big hip, dimples in the thighs, whatever or I wear it because I don’t have to worry about what I have on under it. Also there are non Muslim living here that wear Abayah’s NOT because they think it is required by Allah but because it is required by law.  OR I wear Niqab because it attracts more men. Men love to look at my eyes when I put on makeup. I get more stares with Niqab than without. DUMB but I have heard it. Let me just tell you NO WAY IN HELL I would wear these things if I didn’t in my heart believe this is what Allah wanted me to do.

But because I wear them out of my Love, Devotion and Fear of Allah, it is a form of worship. The Quran tell us

         ‘Surely my prayer, my sacrifice, my living and my dying are for                     God, the Lord of all the worlds.’” (Quran 6:162)

 

Oh and before you jump on my about fearing Allah. YUP, I sure do. I don’t need to hear all that god is love and he is so kind and merciful and full of love. Yeah he may love me but he will punish me if I am wrong. I fear his punishment. I fear him sending me to hell. Fear is a way rulers keep their servants under control. That is ok with me in this case; all I have to say is CONROL ME!!

 

Ok, back to the point. If I give birth, feed my children, have sex with my husband , they will all be considered forms and acts of worship. It does not get any better than that.

 

A person may think why would these things be considered forms of worships; because they are things that will keep us remembering him. Yes, even in our routine everyday activities we can remember Allah and worship him. If I can give food to my child and remember that that food came from Allah. If I can feed him and remind him to say BisMallah before he eats. If I can look at my husband and desire him because he is a good man and I am grateful to Allah for bringing  him into my life, I am grateful for all he had done for me by working everyday and clothing me, putting a roof over my head, and having food to eat. They can all be considered acts of worship. So Allah created me to worship him in all things even in things we enjoy and get pleasure out of. Worship is not a punishment.

 

Why would Allah make normal things forms of worship. Because he wants us to remember him always.   All acts of worship are designed to help us remember God.  It is normal for people to forget even the most important things.  People get so busy with everyday life that they totally forget their spiritual needs that is one reason why we everyday things can be forms of worship and it is also why .  Regular prayer is required to many times during the day of the true believer It connects spiritual needs with material needs on a daily basis.  The regular daily need to eat, work and sleep is linked to the daily need to renew man’s connection with God. 

“Verily, I am God, there is no god beside Me, so worship Me and establish regular prayer for My remembrance.” (Quran 20:14)

We are encouraged to remember God as much as possible. This stressed over and over again because we sin  when God is forgotten.  We give in to temptations freely when consciousness of God is lost.  The whole job of Satin is to occupy people’s minds and  thoughts and desires to make them forget God.  Once God is forgotten, we can and will do just about anything.

 

“Satan got the better of them and caused them to forget God.  Those are the party of Satan.  Truly the party of Satan are the real losers.” (Quran 58:19)

“Satan’s plan is to incite enmity and hatred among you with intoxicants and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of God and regular prayer.  Will you not then abstain?” (Quran 5:91)

That’s not to say we will not sin. We will, it’s all a part of worship. Messing up and seeking forgiveness.  

“Those who, having done something shameful or having wronged their own souls, remember God and immediately ask forgiveness for their sins…” (Quran 3:135)

You may think whats the point; if all we do is mess up. The point is we should and Must learn from all things. The point is we are created to do these things because it is what Allah wants us to do.

“If you did not commit sins and turn to God, seeking His forgiveness, He would have replaced you with another people who would sin, ask God’s forgiveness and He would forgive them.” (Saheeh Muslim)

 

He wants us to grow and lean as people. A part of learning is failing. Each time we fail we should look at how and why we failed and change our ways. This is what sin is all about. We mess up and we look to Allah not ourselves for forgiveness. But the thought that we are soooooooooooo horrible and so undeserving to ask or seek forgiveness without  the blood of  Jesus, as is just wrong.  He does and will forgive us over and over again this is why there is and never was a reason for him to Have Jesus Die for your sins.

 

When God created the universe, He made an obligation on Himself [recorded] in a document kept by Him: ‘My mercy supersedes my wrath.’” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari)

 

This means no matter how angry he is not matter what you did he can and will forgive it

the door for sincere repentance remains open until the last day of this world.  Anas quoted God’s Messenger saying:

“God, the Almighty, has said: O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me and ask of Me, I will forgive what you have done, and I do not mind.  O son of Adam, even if your sins reached the clouds and you asked My forgiveness, I will forgive you.  O son of Adam, if you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and you met Me without giving Me partners, I will give you a similar amount of forgiveness.”

 

It is as simple as that. You may not think it is logical but so what. Allah’s logic is not your logic. He wants and created us to fail and to learn from our failures and repent and seek his forgiveness and worship him.

 

Thats it

Why God could have never been born

Like always, I was over in Ummadams blog. She had a conversation about Jesus, as, being born. I wrote a comment and I really liked it so I am posting part of it here.

I usually never do this but I really liked the topic and thought why not its mine………….LOL

 

                                                    Why Allah was not born

first that he Al-Khāliq,The Creator…Al-Muhyi, The Giver of Life…was created and was given life by a woman…..that in itself is unbelievable. If I am to be christian I am to believe that the one that created EVERYTHING then turned around and was created.

then to think that He, Al-Quddūs,The Most Holy, The Most Pure, The Most Perfect; would be born is such an unclean and unpure way….to do what prove a point? So people can say he loved us so much he did such an ungodly thing.

Why would he need to do that when he is Al-Qādir, The All Able. We as people with faith, any faith know Allah, can do anything and everything why would he need to be created, born , have to learn to walk, talk, eat, do things as unholy as to go to the bathroom, go through puberty, just think of a young boy in puberty, GOD DID THAT? he did these things becuase he was unable to show us, teach us, or love us any other way.

put all of that aside; we all know God is one, he said In your Bible “I” am the lord your GOd. Not we, becuase ,he is Al-Wāid, The One.  so why would he need help from Jesus, as. Why would he, that wants to be your one and only god …..then either recreate his self or create a son which them would become God as well.  becuase you cant be a god, and have a son that is not god as well. Why, so he could die for YOUR sins.
Then we would have to know how can GOD DIE. He is Al-hayy,The Ever Living. Do you think if GOD died for one second the world would still exsist.
And why would he need to die, to forgive us from sin. He could already do that becuase he is Al-GAfuww,The Pardoner, The Effacer of Sins
To think, our sins were so horrible, that GOd could no longer forgive them without something so drastic as to have to create another god; and have that child live an ungodly life( meaning do think unbefitting a God) and then kill him……becuase there was something he just could not do all by his self.
Come on people think about it.
If you really take the time to think then you will see why we can not believe God was ever Born.